Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
well you can't waste a boner
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
