I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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