Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
