its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
