so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
