I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
