I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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