Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
