I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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