Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think my moral compass just broke
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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