If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
