I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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