WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
