Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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