That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
