Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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