Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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