i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
