In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
