When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
