Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
