you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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