i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
