So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
