remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You had me at "let me see your balls"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
