STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
