im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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