i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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