well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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