those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
