Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
