Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's shark week go big or go home
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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