I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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