I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
