Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
