If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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