tell your sister to shave her snatch
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
