I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
