I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
