Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
