Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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