You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
