We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
