she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
