The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
