Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
