did you get engaged???
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
