oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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