Cold hands, warm shart.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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