Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
