Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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