smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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