After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
