It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
