My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
