So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
