stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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