Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
