He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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