dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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