I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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